Oh That I Were An Angel

     Saul and David are returning home after David has slain Goliath and Saul begins to be very upset.  His rages increases when some people praising them say "Saul has killed his thousands but David has killed his tens of thousands." At this moment Saul begins to be jealous of David, but the most interesting part is that he tears down his own accomplishments because someone else performed better than him.  

     We all have these Saul moments and so did Alma in Alma 29.  He says his famous oh that I were an angel speech. But let’s think about where he was coming from. His best friends had just returned from the Laminates with ridiculous amounts of success in bringing the laminates to the truth. Alma had just returned from Ammoniah a city that had to be destroyed because of its wickedness. It can be assumed that Alma was a little jealous of his friends and probably started to tear down his own accomplishments.  But Alma being the great guy that he is catches his self just as we all must when we have our Saul moments.  First he realizes all the blessings in his life. Then he realizes that God knows his purpose, and God will give him what he needs to accomplish those things. The result is in Alma 29:14 "but I do not joy in my own success alone, but my joy is more full because of the success of my brethren, who have been up to the land of Nephi" This is amazing to me, what was once bringing him down suddenly becomes  a part of his joy.  Counting our blessings doesn’t just make us more joyful in our own blessings, but also in the blessings of others. 

      I was amazed when I learned this in seminary and started to examine myself for the Saulness in me.  As you all know Ammon is my closest sibling in both age and relationship. We always had the same friends and spent a lot of time together.  What you all also know is that Ammon is an incredible people person, everyone loves him because he has a fantastic personality.  If you were to ask me before today if I ever got jealous of him I would say never.  But upon examining my self today I realized how often I tore down my blessings because of Ammon's blessings.  I always wanted to be a great communicator and for the past few months have been praying for that gift.  As you could probably guess by talking to me, I am still don’t have that charismatic personality. But after learning about Alma I realized that I was praying for the wrong reasons, sure my intentions were good just as Alma's but we both sinned in the fact that we let other peoples success get in the way of realizing our own blessings.  I was praying not to be the person God wanted me to be but was tearing down the person I was.  It wasn’t about improvement it was about changing myself.   God knows us each individually He knows what gifts we need to accomplish our purpose.  

       When we look at what we have and would accomplish, we would not give it up for what we wish we had.  As you can guess my prayers are a little different now I do not pray to have a charismatic personality I pray for the ability to accomplish the tasks I need to fulfil His purposes.  We have all the energy in the world to be ourselves but once we try to be someone else we become exhausted.  So examine your lives and have an Alma moment whenever you have a Saul moment because we all get jealous, but what’s important is that we don’t let is consume us. We need not say oh that I were an angel or oh that I was charismatic or oh that I was in this financial situation.  All need to say and work towards is Oh that I was the Eli (you fill in your name instead of mine) that God wants be to be and then work with him to be it.
-Cheesy "the blog hog" Tidwell

p.s. sorry if you read this before I edited it I think is was confusing before

p.s.s sorry for being a blog hog but I keep learning a lot of lessons about myself that I feel I need to share.

p.s.s.s I am glad I am related to all of you. Your testimonies strengthen me so much and you have done things for me for which I could never express.  I’m so grateful for this blog! It seems like you guys post things right when I need them the most and you’re all so full of insight and testimony.