Usually listening to Conference leaves me with renewed hope and determination to be better. In contrast, this Conference left me feeling a little condemned. I was so keenly aware of my weaknesses as I listened and could easily recall recent moments when I had obviously failed to live up to the Lord's standards of compassion, charity, and self-control. Basically, I felt ashamed.
A few nights after Conference ended I was reading an article in the September Ensign by Brad Wilcox about the way Christ's grace works. I have listened to the BYU devotional version of the article, read the BYU devotional transcript in full, read the book about the same topic by Brad Wilcox and attended a Relief Society dinner where he spoke about Grace--but for some reason, as I read the Ensign article I felt like I was learning the truths for the first time.
Brother Wilcox said, "There should never be just two options: perfection or giving up....Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ's Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness" (September 2013 Ensign, p. 37).
My weaknesses were still real after I read the article, but my perspective on them had changed. I no longer felt condemned. I knew again that Christ knows my weaknesses and loves me still. I knew again that because of the covenants I have made, He is walking WITH me, not yelling at me to catch up. I'm so grateful for the Atonement, and always marvel that it is a real power that is working in the life of little me.
The loving wife of #4
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